The power of touch

It's funny how much we need people in our lives. We need friends, family and so much more. And we each interact differently. We each need that different interaction, that different touch, different way of conversation and that different way of engaging with people. I realized today, as dumb as this sounds, I miss being hugged in a certain way. I miss the strong embrace of a man. Let's just be simple. I have been single for four years. Three of them I haven't really interacted with guys in a way that suggests romantic interest. The last date I went on was two years ago. EPIC FAIL! Now I am still single, still waiting for that man who is strong, and who will demand my attention (not in a forceful way). I know that God made me a strong and independent woman, I have been that way since I was a child and my life experience has enforced that even more. What gets me is there doesn't seem to be a man who wants that type of girl. I haven't met him yet at least so I can't talk. I just feel depressed and sad and anxious and oh man do I feel lonely. I hate it! I hate feeling isolated. I no longer have a close guy friend. I no longer have that friend who greets me with a big bear hug. I so want that. Here I am lonely. Surrounded by people in relationships, people who are being pursued by strong Christians and people who are married. Where the heck am I supposed to go? Lonely Island?

Pity party for myself. But I needed it. Now the truth. I want male attention. I want to be in a relationship and I am impatient. I am jealous that people seem to be finding that person that balances them out. I am upset I don't have a fall back. I am surprised I just wrote that last part, but I still think it. I hope that I never have to settle. I hope that I can find that man. I just hate feeling sorry for myself, yet it seems to be a weekly ritual. I feel sorry for myself once or twice or maybe every day of the week. I have at least one break down and I usually cry a couple times a day. AHHH... Who would want to date this unstable girl? Wouldn't it be better if I was put together and collected. Wouldn't my future husband want a woman who doesn't cry everyday, who's family isn't on the brink of falling apart? Wouldn't a man want a perfect girl? I am not her. No where near perfect. Not close. I feel that I have issues dealing with male authority. I have issues trusting men not to let me down or desert me. I struggle to understand myself a majority of the time, so why would I find that man now, if I don't even know where I am. I am a snot. I don't think there are some men who are good enough. I want a strong Christian man. A man who isn't afraid to ask the hard questions, who will challenge me in my faith, closer to God. A man who isn't afraid of being challenged by his girl. A man who knows that he wants to serve God. Because I want what little I know about myself and what would be good for me. THat's it.

The rest is questionable...